A Bishop Refuted (with apologies to Lin-Manuel Miranda)
Sam Grover’s head was Photoshopped onto an image from the musical “Hamilton.”
When news broke of the Catholic Church’s most recent massive pedophilia scandal and cover-up, Bishop Robert Morlino of the Madison, Wis., diocese was quick to respond, like he was running out of time, with a letter blaming “a homosexual subculture” within the Church. When FFRF Associate Counsel Sam Grover read Morlino’s words, he called upon FFRF Director of Strategic Response Andrew Seidel to respond, invoking Hercules Mulligan’s call to Alexander Hamilton in the popular musical “Hamilton”: “Oh my God, tear this dude apart!” Which Andrew did, with a scathing op-ed published in The Capital Times in Madison.
Sam and his wife recently had a baby, giving Sam some late-night bottle-feeding time, when it was quiet uptown. In the room where that happens, Sam worked nonstop nourishing his creative side (as well as his child). In the following verses, Sam takes his shot, recreating Andrew’s rebuttal of Bishop Morlino based on two songs from “Hamilton” — “Farmer Refuted” and “You’ll Be Back.” Who can say no to this?
(Bishop Morlino)
Hear ye, hear ye my name is Bishop Morlino
And I present free thoughts on the pedophilia scandals within the Catholic Church!
Heed not the public who scream “prosecution,”
There’re none with your interests at heart.
(Sam to Andrew)
Oh, my God, tear this dude apart.
(Morlino)
Quitting the Church is not a solution.
Don’t let them lead you astray.
This scandal is not about me . . .
(a Catholic)
Let him be
(Morlino)
They’re playing a dangerous game.
I pray that God shows you his mercy.
Shift blame, shift blame . . .
(Andrew, Morlino repeats)
Yo, he’d have the public deafened to the sound of screams but some
Prosecution is needed, the Nones are gonna
Win this, it’s hard to listen to you preach forgiveness.
Quitting the Church is the only way, honestly you shouldn’t even talk
What’s this about being gay?
That’s not even true, the culprit is you — we must talk about scandal
(M)
. . . is not about me
(A)
Ken Ham speaks more eloquently than thee
(M)
They’re playing a dangerous game
(A)
But strangely, your dogma’s the same
(M)
I pray that God shows you his mercy
(A)
He’s nonexistent firstly . . .
(M)
Shift blame
(A)
Quit the Catholic Church!
(M)
Shift blame
(A)
Quit the Catholic Church!
(M)
Heed
(A)
If you repeat yourself again I’m gonna
(M/A)
Scream!
(A)
Honestly, look at me, please don’t read
(M)
With your interests
(A)
Don’t modulate the key then not debate with me
Why should a church survive and collect tithes after committing such atrocities?
(a Catholic)
Andrew Seidel, please
(A)
Look, I’d rather be religionless than involved in this mess, drop the niceties.
(Choir)
Silence! A message from the Church,
A message from the Church, a message from the Church!
(The Church)
They say, you’re not buying our lies, that this all can be blamed on the gays.
You cry, that protecting the priests isn’t worth the fate of one more child.
Too bad. We thought that we made an arrangement: your soul for your tithes, now you’re making us mad. Remember, despite all the scandals, we’re still your guide . . .
You’ll be back, soon you’ll see,
We still own you psychologically.
You’ll be back, time will tell,
You’ll recoil at the threat of hell.
Priests get moved, children fall,
You have kept the faith through it all,
And when push comes to shove,
We will scare you with eternal damnation to remind you of our love!
Da da da da da . . .
You say you care for the victims and your heart is torn
But you vote with your attendance every Sunday morn’ . . .
And no, don’t blame the prophets,
Cuz you’re our source of profits
Our sweet and steady profits
From which the Church will profit
Forever and ever and ever and ever and ever . . .
You’ll be back to the pews
Though you know we haven’t changed our views.
There’s no time to take stock
We’re far too busy tending to our flock.
We will claim we’ve changed our ways,
Though we’ll blame the victims and the gays
As we work to keep priests safe
You can’t trust us based on history, so you’ll trust us based on faith.
Da da da da da . . .
Pray with me!
(Choir)
Da da da da da . . .
