Here they are! FFRF members’ 6-word stories

By Bill Dunn

“Gods: a monumental waste of time” could have been a six-word headline on this piece. We asked readers in March to submit their own six-word stories about their reliance on or journey to freethought/nonbelief. Believe this: Religion took it on the chin.

FFRF received more than 125 submissions, and we’ve printed them all. (Because we didn’t mention contractions or specify if hyphenated words counted as one or two, both qualified.)

We have also listed the states along with the names, and for those who listed their city, we have included that, too. 

Thanks for engaging and your enlightening, and remember this: Even unmolested altar boys wise up!

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• Crankmail cranks out unbelievable religious hypocrisy!

Jorg Aadahl, San Mateo, Calif.

• My god! Never mind, not mine.

Jon Alexandr, California 

• Gods passé, reason here to stay!

Helene Alter-Dyche, Illinois

• No gods, no masters,
love wins!

Kate Amon, Fremont, Calif.

• Completed crossword. 96% correct. Best yet.

Alan Ardanowski, Michigan

• Fuck Alito, Kavanaugh, Clarence and Ginni.

Madison Arnold, New York

• FFRF, I’m glad I found you. 

Richard Armstrong, West Virginia

• I don’t believe any of this!

David Balint, Pennsylvania 

• Futilely prayed, faith decayed. Not afraid.

Michael Birtchet, Oregon

• Old isn’t fun. Death doesn’t count!

Michael G. Brady, Florida

• What sick fuck would create leprosy?

Michael Brandt, Wisconsin

• Appraising Faith, she wore
her colander.

Margo Brault, Baton Rouge, La.

• Religion Promotes Ignorance, Just
Ask Anybody.

Art Brodsky, New York

• Nonviolence could be our
climate solution.

Jim Bronson, Eugene, Ore.

• Cataract science; now I see clearly.

Gladys Burritt, Eureka, Calif.

• Religious autocracy is for the weak.

Crystal Butcher, West Virginia 

• Nothing to it, forget the gods.

Bill Cain, Indiana

• Eve was not created from Adam.

Marge Carl, Connecticut

• Middle child, escaped rules, now protester.  

Lynn R. Chong, New Hampshire

• No shepherd lord, have not wanted.

Courtney Corda, Danville, Calif.

• Raised Catholic, science major,
Agnostic now.

Gary Corda, Danville, Calif.

• Hitchens ever dissolves mind-forg’d manacles.

Dave, New York

• From a nun to a none.

Gemma Dehnbostel, Florida

• New York Jew became California Freethinker.

Stan Deutsch, Sacramento

• I am I — until I die.

James Divine, Washington

• Speaking in tongues never
made sense.

William Dunn, Wisconsin

• Religions: the attempted
personifications of nature.

William Dusenberry,
Broken Arrow, Okla.

• Born a rabbi’s son, I escaped.

David Dvorkin, Denver

• Childhood prayers unanswered; homelessness expedites reason. 

Carla Elliff, Illinois

• Undoing indoctrination leads to lasting liberation.

Scott Elliff, Illinois

• Raised religious, college, no
more nonsense!

Denise Featherstone, California

• May God save us from religion.

Bob Frankel, Colorado

• Prayed to God. Didn’t do squat.

Eric Flyer, Phoenix

• “Would I lie to you?” Yes!

Edwin S. Foote, Kentucky

• Outgrew Santa Claus, then
outgrew God.

Alan Frazier, La Vergne, Tenn.

• Airplanes! Career. Adolescently unexpected. Godlessly blessed.

Dan Fregin, California

• HATED

REJECTED

SEXUALLY,

MENTALLY,

PHYSICALLY

ABUSED

Henson Frost, Oak Island, N.C.

• Plant an acorn, grow an Oak.

Ivy Garlynd, Kauai, Hawaii

• I never believed in Santa either.

Kathy Garmus, Connecticut

• Tabula rasa humanely filled with reason.

John Gesimondo, Old Bridge, N.J.

• Heaven calls, fluffy clouds.
No thanks.

Rick Gilbert, California

• I think, therefore I’m an atheist.

Debbi Golden-Davis, Tucson, Ariz.

• Trust in Lassie, she brought help.

David Habecker, Florida

• God is nothing more than existence.

Peter Hall, Haines, Ore.

• Childhood indoctrination. Teenage contemplation. Adult liberation.

Christopher Harris, Indiana

• Road Less Taken: Maybe, Maybe Not.

John Heiligenstein, Indiana

• No god, so good, I’m glad!

Gus Heist, Illinois

• Grieving God. Moving on.
Loving life.

Sarah Henn Hayward, Spokane, Wash.

• Never believed! So relieved.
Life’s fun!

Deborah Hilpipre, Illinois

• Cancer twice – survived. Why?
Science rules!

Cheryl Huber, Port Charlotte, Fla.

• Religious indoctrination dismissed; common sense engaged!

Steve Jacobs, California

• The BuyBull made me an atheist.

Julie Johnson, Galesburg, Ill.

• Theodicy failed and now I’m free.

Heidi Johnson, Maryland

• Boomer loses Golden Ball, discovers groundlessness.

Jeffrey K. Jones, Virginia Beach, Va.

• Synagogue? Church? Mosque? No thanks. Godless.

Frederic C. Kaplan, Pennsylvania

• Pious try us; ain’t hoodwinking freethinking!

Katrina, California

• Living my best life. Without gods.

Patricia Kayden, Maryland

• Intelligent design: stillbirth, ALS, cancer, Alzheimer’s. 

David Kehe, Bellingham, Wash.

• Not Perfect, but Mostly
Good Enough.

Rudolf Kellmann, Highland Mills, N.Y.

• I love Jesus. Great lawn care!

Mike Kirkland, California

• White cane lost from blind faith.

John Klemaseski, Minnesota

• Teen at Revival, certainly
godless now.

D.O. Knudson, Wisconsin

• Nourishment, community, answers found in nature.

Kaitlin Knudson, Wisconsin

• Good non-Christians doomed to Hell? No!

Wendy Koch, Loveland, Colo.

• Reached adulthood, stopped believing in magic.
Alfie Kohn, Massachusetts

• Wasted Religious Youth. Now: Freedom, Life!

Constance Kolpitcke, North Carolina

• Believed I knew, learned I didn’t. 

Stephen Kraus, North Carolina

• The Civil War has
not ended.

Richard LeFevre, Kennesaw, Ga.

• Christianity’s Insanity

Sagan’s Sagacity

Reality’s Clarity.

Dan Lewandowski, Texas

• I went, I sat, I fled.

Deidre Link, Washington

• Tubes tied in ’77: Bodily heaven!

Barbara Lund, Michigan

• Zeroed patriarchs. Rid
religions. Living SCIENCE.

Blue Maas, Iowa

• Mother indoctrination. Lifetime fighting for freedom.

Daryl McDonald, Michigan

• Santa isn’t real, but God is?

Maureen McKinney, Ellensburg, Wash.

• Parents never took me to church.

Saundra McMillan, Rhode Island

• Got a brain, gods not needed.

Ross Meisner, Minneapolis

• Life has no stirring background music.

Dennis Middlebrooks, Brooklyn, N.Y. 

• What if Martin Luther was wrong?

Sheila Monk, Missouri

• Religion: The Root of All Evil.

Morley

• Santa. Easter bunny. Tooth fairy. God.

Paul Morsey, Kentucky

• Baptism, sex, marriage, Hell,
death, decomposition.

Michael Mueck, Massachusetts

• So many “the one true religion.”

Jon Noll, Seattle

• Heard myths; discovered science; reason prevailed.

Howard M. Notgarnie, New Jersey

• Praying child, questioning youth, aging atheist.

Shirley Ogletree, Texas

• Atheism freed my mind to think.

Dolores O’Neill, Princeton, N.J.

• Weekday church: dark, silent
— where’s God?

Priscilla Oppenheimer, Lancaster, Pa.

• Biblical Why for modern
universe, seriously?

David Orr, Ohio

• Imaginary friend, public policy, please no!

Linda Palter, Michigan

• What the hell was I on?

Paul Partezana, Muncie, Ind.

• Charismatically religious parents

Alienating son

Me

Robert Payne, California

• Beautiful loving parents, misguided religious instruction.

Ann Pollard, Kentucky 

• Abortion must be legal, it’s not!

Nancy Rattmann, Colorado

• Didn’t lose religion, just outgrew it.

Craig Reynolds, Michigan

• Cynicism is always funner 

than certainty!

David Rotert, Minneapolis

• Predestination plus free will
equals nonsense!

Jane Russell, California

• GAY

HYPNOSIS

EVANGELICAL

UNCONVERTABLE

eXvangelical

IGTHEIST

Brian Bright Saylor, Oregon

• Go to church? Nope. Never again.

Sue Schuetz, Cross Plains, Wis.

• “Religion? No questions!”
I asked anyway.

Michael Scott, Arizona

• Hellfire? Hell no! Desire now aglow.

Pam Shaouy, Georgia

• evolution many gods one
god atheism

Jack Simpson, Wisconsin

• No Religion, No War, Global Peace.

Deanne Singer, New York

• Free to be a reasoning me.

Gail S. Smith, California

• Loving husband died. I died too.

Peggy Smith, Halifax, N.S.

• No evidence for god. No belief.

Salvador F. Sola III, New Jersey

• Jesus lived. Jesus died. The end.

Kathy Steel, Texas

• When you’re dead you stay dead.

David G. Stork, California

• Enlightened, scientific son
changed our minds. 

Don Sturm, Normal, Ill.

• Life’s hard. Tried God. Didn’t help.

Teri Sullivan, Illinois 

• Nothing before, something now, nothing after.

Doug Tanner, Minnesota

• Doubt before you die, live well.

Jay Tarantino, Massachusetts

• Childhood religious prison;
I escaped.

Carolyn W. Threlkeld, Kentucky 

• I once believed. Now I think.

Joe Todaro, California

• Theism gone — now a
WOKE freethinker!

Charles Townsend, Canaan, N.H.

• The certified chaplain is
lacking insight.

Marcia Tunik, Washington

• I don’t have faith in faith.

B. Tyger, Santa Cruz, Calif.

• Church failed to stifle
independent thought.

Stephen Van Eck, Pennsylvania

• Bible nonsense, evolution study, enlightened atheist.

Robert Van Fleet, Chico, Calif.

• From dust to dust: a must.

Glenn Waring, Upper Arlington, Ohio

• Our lives are ultimately a tragedy.

Paul Warrick, California

• Once! We’re gone, life lives on.

Jesse Weber, Washington

• So this is life? Bummer, dude.

Art Weissman, Florida

• Godless. Bertrand Russell
deserves my thanks.

Gary Welch, Bellevue, Neb.

• Holy books are full of holes.

WK Wenger, California

• Boy believer, science reader,
Mormon leaver.

David Whittaker, Riverton, Utah

• My cat is my higher power.

Dale Winkler, New Hampshire

• The gunman found them
huddled, praying.

Mark Zappy, New York