PJ Slinger: Is God just Santa Claus for adults?

By PJ Slinger

I know this isn’t a unique thought by any means, but it was an original thought by me when I was much younger: God is just Santa Claus for adults.

It’s a pretty simple comparison, which is undoubtedly why it occurred to me when I was a middle-schooler (after I knew of the Santa scam but before I was convinced of the God scam).

• Both entities are considered wise old men with big white beards.

• Both allegedly treat those who are good better than those who are bad.

• Both are, for all intents and purposes, invisible.

• Both accept (but don’t always act on) human requests for things.

• Both do things that can be considered magic or supernatural.

• Both live “up there.” God lives up in the sky, and Santa lives at the North Pole, which, to small children, is essentially the same thing. It’s “up there.”

Even the lyrics of “Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town” portend an omniscient being. (If you didn’t know that song was about Santa, who would come to mind?)

“He sees you when you’re sleeping.

He knows when you’re awake.

He knows if you’ve been bad or good

So be good for goodness’ sake!”

When I was a small child, my great-grandmother visited us for Christmas, but because we didn’t have a spare room for visitors, she had to sleep on the couch in the living room, right where Santa would be coming down the chimney. I was excited that someone would be in the vicinity when the jolly old elf would make his appearance. (My parents had previously rejected all efforts by me to sleep in the living room on Christmas Eve.) I told my great-grandmother to wake up my siblings and me when he showed up. Of course, the next morning, with new gifts scattered about the living room, I asked why she didn’t wake us. She had the simple answer that she was sleeping and Santa must have been super quiet. It was hard to believe that a big man like Santa could climb down our chimney and unload all those toys undetected, but, since the evidence of presents was undeniable, I reluctantly believed her. I was mostly disappointed that I didn’t get to witness Santa in person. 

A few years later, when I figured out that Santa wasn’t real, it took only seconds to realize that the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy were also made up by the Parent/Capitalist Complex. But, I didn’t take my thoughts any further at that point.

Yes, learning the truth about Santa took a portion of my youthful innocence that I could never get back. But, I do remember being empowered by that information more than disappointed. It all made sense at that point. Of course, it was the parents. How could I have thought otherwise?

And, I guess I felt the same way when I realized God was another fiction perpetrated by parents and Big Church. It all made sense at that point. How could I have thought otherwise?   

Perhaps the main reason I didn’t equate God with Santa is because of the multitude of churches — the actual physical buildings seemingly everywhere. Why would people go to such great lengths to build these huge cathedrals for a known lie? Perhaps a bit of edifice complex?

Now, young children can be excused for not understanding the physical limitations of Santa’s annual journey. (How can one person visit the home of every child in the world in one night?) But, one of Santa’s qualities is that he has magical powers (including being able to make reindeer fly). So, zipping around the world in one night is not impossible, it’s magic!

How is that any different than with God and his “magical” properties? He’s allegedly omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent. (That’s a lot of omnis!) Many adults are seemingly fine with this description of their invisible white-haired man from the sky as an all-powerful, all-knowing, ubiquitous being.

Since I was curious, I turned to the trusty internet to see how many others have equated God to Santa. Turns out, it’s quite a lot! However, almost all of them, perhaps 95 percent of the sites I saw on the topic, were from Christian-based writers or sites.

The interesting thing was reading how they had their own reasons for why Santa and God should or shouldn’t be compared.

One writer, Timothy Fox, claims that because children see that presents have been delivered (as promised!), and that they just didn’t show up out of thin air, someone must have put them there. He then claimed that believing in God is no different because right there in front of us is the proof — the creation of the universe. Someone had to put it there, right?!

“What are the consequences if Santa doesn’t exist?” Fox writes on CrossExamined.org (a Christian Apologetics site). “Then kids must get their Christmas presents another way, because we know from experience that presents exist (unless you were on the naughty list, I guess). But if there’s no God? Then the universe came into existence uncaused from nothing for no reason. Life came from nonlife and consciousness from nonconsciousness. There are no objective morals and values. Exactly the same? No. Not a chance.”

Wow. Sounds like Fox is mad that people would even consider comparing Santa to God. The problem is, while Fox admits that Santa is not real (because it’s the parents, duh!), that he jumps to the conclusion that because there are no “parents” who are secretly pulling the strings of God, that God therefore must be real. Hence, there can be no other reason for the creation of the universe. End of story. 

And, then there’s Neal Plantinga, a senior research fellow at the Calvin Institute of Christian Worship, who wrote the column, “Is belief in God similar to belief in Santa?” for The Banner, which is published by the Christian Reformed Church in North America.

“Periodically, unbelievers will claim that belief in God is like belief in Santa Claus,” Plantinga writes. “Both figures are taught to children. Neither can be seen or heard. Both have helpers. Both have songs sung about them. Both have many names in many cultures. But the similarities are superficial and vastly outweighed by the differences. Mainly, of course, Santa Claus in his current incarnation is only a mythical figure (though based on the real, historical person of St. Nicholas), while God is an actual being.” [emphasis mine]

Again, wow. So, what Plantinga is saying is that he, like Fox, believes that God is an actual being, not at all unlike children believing that Santa is an actual being. The only difference is that Plantinga appears to still be in his childhood stage of belief, apparently not yet armed with enough facts to make an informed decision. 

Just like children believing in Santa, many adults believe in God until it is proved otherwise. So, yes, the hypothesis that God is just Santa for adults is true.

PJ Slinger is editor of Freethought Today.